Wednesday, April 21, 2010


You know those inspirational stories about formerly barren women who miraculously conceive after changing their eating habits? 

Like the woman who drank broccoli juice for breakfast every morning and got pregnant with an FSH of 50?  Or the one who became a vegetarian after 10 years of infertility and spontaneously conceived at age 44?  Or how about the woman who cured her endometriosis by cutting out wheat and dairy?

I am not going to be one of those stories.

Why, you might ask?

Because my diet sucks.

I mean, I probably don't have the worst diet ever consumed by anyone.  I generally avoid fried food.  I don't drink regular soda, and I eat very little red meat.

Now for the bad news.

My dinner tonight was a half bag of baked Tostitos and a tub of guacamole from Whole Foods.  Oh, and a decaf  Diet Coke with a rice milk ice cream bar for dessert. 

And last night?

Some rotisserie chicken and 5 walnut brownies.  And a decaf Diet Coke.

Pardon my French, but WHAT THE EFF AM I DOING?!??????

I suppose it doesn't help matters that I don't cook.  Other than Duncan Heinz brownie mix, that is.

In fact, it's probably a very good thing that I wasn't born in a prior generation or I'm sure I would have died old and alone.  I mean, who would've wanted to marry a woman who doesn't cook, doesn't clean (well, rarely) and can't have babies?   

Luckily for me I have a husband who somehow seems to love me anyway.

Besides, he doesn't cook or clean either, so I guess he can't be too judgmental, right?  And together we really do a lot to keep the house-cleaning and frozen dinner industries in business.

But I digress. 


Yes, I really did read the book by the broccoli juice woman and I even found it...dare I say mildly inspirational?

In all honesty, I'm quite sure that diet can and does have an important influence on egg quality.

In fact, I'm so sure of this, I actually spent a four-month period back in early 2008 cutting all wheat, dairy and simple carbohydrates from my diet.  I even gave up Diet Coke (which may not sound like a big deal, but trust me--it is).

Of course, I still didn't get pregnant but it's clear now that that particular failure had nothing to do with my diet. 

So why is it that now, when the stakes are higher than ever ($12,000 higher, to be exact) I can't bring myself to eat in an even moderately healthful way?

I keep telling myself that I will.  I have a refrigerator full of expensive salads, fruit and fresh veggies and yet, somehow the junkiest, unhealthiest crap in the entire house seems to keep finding its way onto my plate. 

Once again, I'm sure there must be something mildly pathological about all this (the more blog posts I write, the more I'm starting to think I belong on a psychiatrist's couch somewhere rather than in an RE's waiting room).

Why am I sabotaging my chances for success?

Maybe it's because my expectations of success are so ridiculously low?  Why make myself miserable eating celery when I'm so sure we'll fail anyway?

Or maybe it's some sort of deep-seated psychological defense mechanism designed to help me avoid a total meltdown if and when this cycle ends badly?  "I'm not completely inadequate as a woman--I only failed because I didn't give it my all!"

Then again, maybe I just have no willpower.

Le sigh. 

So, to make a long story short, I've decided that my story will be a different kind of miracle.

In fact, I've already come up with a title for my book.

"You Too Can Conceive Twins on the Brownie & Guacamole Diet!"

Think I'll make the bestseller list?


  1. Ha! I found your post to be so funny and so true. It's hard to hear these "success" stories - some say they are suppose to give us "hope" but for me it just nags me, sometimes angers me - the truth of the matter, at least how I see it, they were all just LUCKY! I think that is what this all boils down to, it must, right?
    I mean we are all deserving to be moms, so it's not about only the good, only the pious, only the blessed, it's about hitting the lottery.
    This makes me sad...and sorry to say, not hopeful.
    Keep eating what makes you feel good and if it doesn't, toss it out~ good rule of thumb.

  2. LOL. I struggle with the healthy thing, too. I think it's the depression that goes along with all of this. When you write your book, I'll be in line to buy it :)

  3. So true! I fought the no caffeine thing like crazy - taking it out especially on my husband. I figured there were a lot of women getting pregnant drinking more caffeine than I was per day (maybe 1.5 cups coffee in the morning and a diet coke at lunch) and, I wasn't likely to get pregnant anyhow (and still haven't!) so why torture myself. In the end, I've given it up. And, it's not so bad. I still don't think giving up caffeine is going to make me pregnant, but at this point if someone told me to go stand on my head for 2 hours while humming the Star Spangled Banner and twiddling my thumbs and I'd get pregnant, I'd probably do it. And I'd definitely try the brownie and guacamole diet!!

  4. I'm here via Cycle Sista....
    I hate those miracle stories, I'm sure they are amazing if the story happens to you personally, but for the rest of us (99.9999999999999999%) they are just another way of telling us that being infertile is our own fault and if we just ate 50 brocolli heads a day we would be pregnant by now. I say that (within reason) you've got to do what feels right for you and to hell with all the 'rules'. And yeah, I'd buy your book for sure!

  5. HAHA the only people i know who get pregnant do it on half a bottle of jack and/or half an oz of pot. so, obviously i am doing it wrong...

    i have also contemplated giving up my organic lifestyle that served me so well during the first IVF. it did work i guess, kinda. but it seems that the people who don't care are the ones who get the take home babies after all.

    anyway i wanted to stop in and say thank you for the perspective, i needed it...and it's nice to meet you! i will be following along as your journey continues. oh, and that study will give you a $25 gift card for your spit. i thought that was pretty cool!


  6. You know why I can't overrun my diet while doing treatments? I need some fun in life. I *like* Diet Coke. The thought of broccoli juice, while miraculous for that woman, sound vomitlicious to me. And if I'm going to be poked and prodded with needles and The Cam by every soul in the RE's office, I'm going to enjoy my Diet Coke after.

    And yes, I still debate whether or not this means I want this enough...but I just tell that angel on my shoulder to hush it. ;)

  7. Hi Julize,

    Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for visiting my blog and th4e great comment you left. I look forward to reading your blog - I can see from your sidebar you have been through a lot.

    Heh heh, well, avocados are full of vitamin E and natural fats/oils that are supposed to be very good for you! So I think you are on a winner there! LOL.