Fair warning for anyone who might actually be reading--this isn't a shiny, happy Easter post.
For whatever reason, I've been feeling really negative lately. Negative, as in, I'm pretty much 100% convinced that this IVF attempt isn't going to work and I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the next step.
It occurred to me this morning how ridiculous that is. Let's hurry up and throw away our $17,000 so we can move on to spending another $30,000 on donor eggs. I don't know when I became so flip about throwing around that kind of money, particularly considering that we're far from rich and have plenty of other things we could be spending our money on. Like a new kitchen. Or a deck. Or, you know...food.
Can you imagine if other aspects of life were like IVF?
"Well, Mrs. Infertile Lane, we can definitely do the work. Just write us a check for $17,000 and there's a 15% chance you'll end up with a beautiful, new kitchen...and a mere 85% chance that you'll end up with the same crappy kitchen you've always had."
"Sounds great! Where do I sign?"
Ha!
So you've probably guessed by now that we decided to move forward and do at least one cycle with my own eggs.
I'm still not sure why given my negativity as stated above but, oh well.
We found out this week that the 2-cycle package I mentioned earlier isn't available to us after all. Apparently you only qualify for that package if you're young (i.e. <39) and have more than a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding (i.e. FSH <15). Hence our failure to qualify.
So we're back to spending $12,000 + meds for a single cycle, plus another $5,000 on top of that if we do CGH (which I think we will).
Here's my thought process. If we do a single cycle without CGH I have to go through multiple intralipid/IVIg infusions, 2 months of medically-induced menopause and a trip for 2 to Mexico (to re-do the LIT) before we can even think about transferring whatever we might get. That means 2-3 months of hellacious night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, hassle, and possibly pointless expenditures before we can find out that my eggs are shit and get our official BFN (or better yet, a miscarriage!).
If we do CGH, we only have to wait 4 weeks (and pay $5,000, of course) to find out that my eggs are shit.
So the CGH probably still costs a bit more but look at all the hassle and heartache it saves.
Happy Easter!!
Big girl bed - interim report update
8 years ago
I've been doing 5 day transfers to try to get around the $5K CGH thing. I figure, if the embryo can't get to day 5 it wasn't going to make it anyway. With my immune issues (which are similar to yours) I have the feeling the petrie dish is safer for them than my toxic uterus.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder about embryos that "self correct". I know that with PGD there is a number that can do this. How this is different with CGH, I don't know.
I am curious as to where your FSH is at these days. I read about how it was under 6 before your surgery and that it went way up over 15 after your surgery. Has it come back down? Three months after my sclerotherapy mine hit nearly 34. I am wondering if that did me a serious disservice (although mine skyrocketing could also be the effect of back to back cycles).
So does SIRM charge $12K for a cash cycle? Does that include AH and ICIS? I didn't realize they were that costly as I am insured. But that is what I paid before I got coverage.
PS: If your FSH does come down AND if you switch clinics, keep that higher value to yourself. Chances are that your treatment won't be particularly different if that have that information, and if they DO have that information they may be hesitant in treating you.
ReplyDeleteOh boy do I know how you feel!!!! The expenses are sobering and I too can think of a few more things that I can spend that money on that I have a greater chance of a positive outcome... travelling to Italy for a month is one of them!!
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten my NK info back from Dr. T, but when I do, I will let you know the status of my killing cells in utero. In the meantime, are intralipids taken orally or are they an infusion also?
Next time you are in the city maybe we can meet up for a drink at Bryant Park?
Hang in there... I know this is hard, and even harder to stay positive!!
Hi Linda,
ReplyDeleteThanks for you comments! If we don't do CGH, we'll definitely be doing 5-day transfers. I feel the same way about the petri dish being safer than my uterus (how sad is that?). I guess I'm just concerned that even with 5-day transfers we may not be doing enough in terms of weeding out the abnormals (although I've heard about the self-correction thing as well and need to ask the doctor about that). Luckily we don't have to make a final decision about CGH until the day of retrieval--I think--so that allows us to waffle a little longer.
SIRM has about a million different financial packages, but the cheapest one we could find that we actually qualify for is roughly $12,000 including ICSI and several other add-on fees, but not AH. I'm not sure if we need AH or not. God, I hope not.
I haven't retested my FSH since last summer, mostly because I've been too scared to do it. There's a part of me that's desperate to believe the 17 was just a one-time aberration and if I retest and it's just as bad (or, gulp--worse) I'll have to give up on that little fantasy. I know I'm going to have to do it sooner or later (probably next cycle) but I'm sticking my head in the sand and putting it off as long as possible...
I hear you. On all of it. We have also been told we may have implantation - in addition to egg quality - issues. Which is why we bit the bullet and did the CGH/microarray this latest cycle in denver. now that we've taken that plunge I wonder why i waited so long to do it. if we have a couple of cycles with no normal embryos then i think i'll feel ok about moving on to donor eggs and if we don't - wahoo - maybe for the first time we'll actually have a chance.
ReplyDeletethis is all so difficult and i'm sorry you're going through it.
thinking of you.
Mo
BBB - Thanks so much for your comments. To answer your question, intralipids are infused just like IVIg (although it would be much easier if you could take them orally!). And, yes--I'd love to meet up sometime if I'm in town. I've noticed there seem to be quite a few NYC'ers here in the blogosphere. It would be great if we could have a get-together at some point
ReplyDeleteThis brings back memories. (And not in a good way.) Saying that, I have no idea what you're talking about half the time. ;) When I was going through my fertility issues (call me lame - I refused to ever call it infertility) I kind of went from 0 to 60 quickly. Best chance is IVF? Let's go for it immediately! With that, we never did find out the cause. I opted out of all of those tests 'cause I didn't want to wait (and, okay, I didn't want to pay for them). So who knows, I could have had (and still have) a lot of those issues and more. What difference does it really make? I know, easy for me to say now.
ReplyDeleteBut please, please, please! try to stay positive about the IVF. Dr.'s don't know everything. They don't even know 1/2 the things. People have literally 1/3 of their brain and still go to Ivy league schools. You have to stay positive. I know it's not possible all the time. But do what it takes for you. Take time out not to not deal with it (I know, not easy to do when you've got a needle regimen to keep up and more)- whatever that looks like - and then get back in. Visualize what it is you want. Believe, believe, believe. You know I'm not a complete nut. It can work for you. Don't think about if it doesn't, 'cause it can.
I've got to go and I feel like I haven't completed my thought. Well, that isn't new. Won't be finishing it now, I'm being nagged at....
I just wanted to say good luck with your IVF. I can't tell from your posts exactly where you are in your cycle. I'm on stim day 5 today. I'm 42. YIKES! This is my first cycle.
ReplyDeleteI'll be checking back to see how you are doing and in the meantime, I'll be sending you good, fertile thoughts!